WHAT IS THIS GOING TO COST; ANDWHAT IF I CAN'T AFFORD IT?

    .    Before we get much further, I need to get the issues of the 
    deposit and my fee out of the way, as well as the options I have 
    available for people who are unable to afford it.  I didn't get 
    into this with any intention of it ever becoming "a business;" 
    and, I still hate dealing with the money aspect of it.  Although 
    it's my goal to NEVER have to turn anyone away who is sincere 
    but unable to pay; the reality is that there is simply no way that 
    I'd be able to devote the enormous amount of time and resources 
    required to do this, if I didn't charge at least a nominal amount.  
    Since, as far as I've been able to determine, I'm the only person 
    in the country (world?) who is effectively providing this service, 
    it would leave a major void if I had to go do something else in 
    order to survive.  I've heard far too many sad accounts from my 
    clients about the dismal results they've obtained from their 
    attempts to resolve their problem through going to either dom/mes 
    or conventional therapists to allow that to happen...  Another 
    reality is that few people place much value upon anything which 
    is given to them; and, for every one who does, there are a hundred 
    bouncing around cyber-space who'll take advantage of that to simply 
    entertain themselves with time consuming "games..."   I want all of 
    the time and energy I expend to go to those of you who are really 
    serious about getting straight with yourselves; and, in doing so, 
    making better lifes for yourselves and those in your lives.  The 
    arrangements which I list below have been the best compromise 
    between these factors which I've been able to reach.  There will 
    be some variations, depending upon the option you choose; but, 
    the basic fee structure, the deposit, and the payment arrangements 
    are as follows:

    .    I do not charge for any of the preliminary work, which is 
    done by e-mail and (as needed) by phone.  If you feel that you 
    received a substantial benefit from it, I certainly never turn 
    down any voluntary donations (which helps make it possible for 
    me continue devoting so much time to the people who contact 
    me); but, I also understand that not everyone can afford to do 
    so.  NEVER feel uncomfortable about visiting with me on the 
    grounds of being unable to pay anything for such help -- just 
    DO pass the time along to someone who's in need of your help...  
    If your circumstances improve at some later time, you can send 
    a donation when you're better able to do so.  If you do wish to 
    make a compensatory donation, there is information included 
    on how to do that, via the link above.  If you ARE able to 
    contribute in that manner, please do so.  I devote a great deal 
    of time and energy towards helping you and others; and, given 
    the fact that I've incurred a lot of out-of-pocket expenses in 
    order to provide a safe place for you all to deal with your 
    issues, while on a very limited, "fixed income," my policies 
    of "bending over backwards" to help you all whether you can 
    afford it or not has become quite a financial and emotional 
    strain on me.  I loathe the idea that I might have to put new 
    policies into place which might exclude people who need my help 
    the most; but, like anyone else, I can stretch myself only so 
    thin and still continue doing this...

    .    As I said above, I'm not "in business" per se; I will NEVER 
    turn anyone away who is sincere but genuinely unable to pay all 
    or part of my fee; and, I understand that many of you have financial 
    hardships (often symptomatic of the guilt feelings which have caused 
    you to be reading this, in the first place...); so, make sure that 
    you read the the payment alternatives, rather than just deciding too 
    quickly that you can't afford to do this.  

    .    For approximately the first five years I did this, I charged 
    a flat rate of $100 per (usually about 16 hour) day for our face 
    to face working time (with Friday through Sunday being considered 
    two days, etc.); and, nothing for the e-mail work we do, before 
    and after meeting.  This was, however, in addition to a $55 per 
    night lodging cost, which I could do nothing about, even when I 
    waived my own fee.  After buying this place outside of Seminole, 
    OK, (which entailed taking on a mortgage and a second complete 
    set of bills) it soon became obvious that I was going to wind up 
    going under, unless I changed to a rate which was (slightly) fairer 
    to me.  I now use a parity-based sliding scale, where I earn the 
    same per hour (approximately) as you earn when working your job.  
    This arrangement is still extremely low for the service I provide; 
    but, since my service is not covered by insurance, I'm concerned 
    that going any higher could pose too much of a barrier for many 
    of you.  For those of you who are more financially comfortable, 
    and so inclined, feel free to add whatever you feel is fair.  For 
    those of you who would wind up getting your utilities cut off, if 
    not homeless, from paying that arrangement, don't just sigh and 
    leave -- I have arrangements for you, as well...  I've always been 
    rather quick, depending upon the circumstances, to allow people 
    "trade out" doing community service work in their own community, 
    in lieu of all or part of my fee.  I plan to retain the community 
    service option for those who really do need it; but, I've sort of 
    become a little jaded about waiving my fee for people who have a 
    much higher standard of living than what I do...  In other cases, 
    I (rather commonly) allow people pay what they're able up-front; 
    then, I hold as many post-dated checks as they need to use to 
    pay out the balance, in a way that won't pose too much of a 
    hardship on themselves and their families.  I have some people 
    who are using this "credit plan" to pay me out at as low as $20 
    per month, with no interest. I've posted a seperate file, going 
    into the details of this credit plan.

    .   I prefer that community service which is being traded for my 
    fee be completed PRIOR TO our meeting; but, when this isn't 
    possible, I will also hold post-dated checks as collateral on that 
    community service, destroying (or returning) them as you provide me 
    with verification that you've completed the reciprocal hours. If, 
    for some reason, you need for me to hold a particular payment check 
    beyond the date for which you've written it, I will do so for up 
    to 80 days (many checks will not be honored if they are more than 
    90 days old), as long as you let me know a few days ahead of time 
    (so that I'm not counting on it to pay a bill, etc.) What form 
    this community service takes will depend upon the circumstances 
    of your case and what is available in your area.  Whenever it's 
    possible, I try to make it correlate with what caused the guilt.  
    My second preference is Habitat For Humanity, since it is affords 
    voluteers with a sense of teamwork and tangible accomplishment.  
    When those options aren't practical, almost every community has 
    some very worthy organizations who are in need of assistance...  
    Now that I have my own place, I'm also letting people who have the 
    time available to trade helping me to do improvements to my property.  
    When this occurs, such help will follow our work together; so, I 
    normally hold post-dated checks until you're ready to leave; then, 
    return them to you. (Especially if you drive in.)

    .    If a person comes here in a bad financial state; then, months 
    or years later, their financial situation changes considerablly for 
    the better, as the result of our work together; I definitely don't 
    turn away any additional donations.  I've always left that to 
    the client's discretion; but, the people who have done so are 
    responsible for my still being here for you to be reading this.

    .    It sometimes turns out that people make enough progress from 
    our on-line work together that they no longer feel they need to 
    come here for the rest of the process, including the punishment 
    phase.  Although I don't technically charge for such help, I never 
    turn away voluntary donations, when a person can afford it.  You 
    may do so by any of the options on the donations page. 

    .    Sometimes, it's not always possible to accurately predict just 
    how much time we're going to need (although I've gotten fairly 
    good at doing so.)  Since this entire process needs to be completed 
    at one stretch; and, even if it didn't, most of you are travelling 
    rather long distances, I prefer to make certain that we'll have 
    plenty of time to cover everything which needs to be covered.  In 
    order to do so and still be fair to you, I refer to any days which 
    you spend here but we aren't working as "guest days;" and, I do 
    not charge you for my time during them.  You'll be expected to 
    cover the cost of your meals during this time; and, if you opt to 
    stay in a motel, that cost will be your own responsibility; but, 
    other than that, they are "freebies."  (LOL, although, I don't 
    promise not to hand you a paintbrush, to ask you to hold the 
    end of something in place while I'm cutting/nailing it, to help 
    carry something, etc. {grinning wink})  Essentially, during any 
    "guest days," you're staying here in the capacity of "friend," 
    which many of my clients have become, by that point.  (Even 
    though that probably seems more than just a little odd to you, 
    right now...)

    .    I'm not looking to get rich from doing this; but, I do 
    despise having to just barely scrape by, with everything I 
    have sunk into this place I've bought, to provide you with a 
    confidential, quiet, and free place to come to; and, having 
    virtually everything I get going back into it!  Therapists 
    make an average of about $120 PER HOUR; and, dom/mes about 
    $150 to $200 PER HOUR.  The results I help my clients acheive 
    surpass (a major understatement!!!) those which are typically 
    obtained from going to either of these; so, it's only fair 
    that I make at least as much per hour as the people whom I'm 
    helping.  Although I will retain my existing payment arrangement 
    policies for the forseeable future; as of April 15, 2001, I 
    have had to switch to a parity-based "sliding scale," where 
    my fee per (16 hour) day will equal that which you make per 
    two, eight hour days, retaining the $100 per day "base" at the 
    lower end and capping the cost at a total of $5,000 for any 
    client who might be wealthy enough for that cap to apply, in 
    the event that were to ever apply.  For the time being, the 
    time I spend working with you by e-mail, both before and after 
    meeting, will continue to be free; but, in situations where a 
    person has established a pattern of failing to follow through, 
    I have begun charging $20/hour for e-mail time after an initial 
    10 hours of e-mail time.  in cases where you opt for me to travel 
    to your location, there will be a $100 per day travel fee assessed, 
    in addition to the cost of travel expenses.  I posted notice of 
    this change aprox. 6 months in advance of it going into effect; 
    so, if you've been procrastinating since during the days of the 
    old rates, please don't ask to be grandfathered under the old 
    rate...  You had ample notice of the change.  

    .    Since once I schedule you for the days we've agreed upon, 
    I totally "black out" my schedule for those days, I require 
    that you post a "booking deposit."  There are some variations, 
    depending upon the option you choose and the payment arrangements 
    which we agree to; but, in order to make that degree of commitment 
    to you, I have to do this.  The basic deposit is $200, if you are 
    coming here; and, it is credited to your total bill, once you show 
    up.  People normally send this along with their ID verification; but, 
    it does need to arrive at least 21 days prior to the day we are to 
    meet.  Sending it earlier insures that you "own" the days you need, 
    preventing the potential for having to reschedule flights, etc.; but, 
    the deposit check will NOT be cashed prior to 15 days before your 
    arrival.  If you need to cancel or reschedule; AND, you provide me 
    with at least this 15 days notice, your booking deposit will either 
    be returned to you; or, credited toward the rescheduled days.  If you 
    cancel or reschedule between 8 and 14 days, you only receive $100 of 
    the deposit back/credited.  If you don't give me at least a full 7 
    days notice, the entire deposit is forfeited.  If you need for me to 
    provide you with references in oredr to feel comfortable sending this 
    deposit, let me know and I can arrange a reference, as well as any 
    other information you might need to insure that this is not just some 
    sort of a scam.  Given the susceptability which so many of my clients 
    have to a "nasty little bug" which I've nicknamed "the day before flu;" 
    and, the disregard which some people have for my schedule/budget, I've 
    been forced to require this deposit for everyone; but, under certain 
    circumstances, I can work with you on this, just as with the rest of 
    the fee.  If I am allowing you to trade out doing community service, 
    it is refundable once proof of the community service having been 
    completed is presented.  Without the above notice periods, it is only 
    refundable if you provide proof of extraordinary circumstances, such 
    as a death in the family, emergency surgery, etc.  Otherwise, if you 
    "no show" me;  it helps me to offset the costs and disruptions I incur 
    as the result of last minute cancellations.  If, for some reason, you 
    do not get your deposit to me at least 21 days in advance, I will work 
    you in     if I can; but, I will have to consider those days open for 
    booking someone else, if they need them; so, it's a good idea to wait 
    for confirmation that the deposit has arrived before finalizing your 
    travel plans, especially if you're flying.  If I waive the deposit; 
    and, you fail to show up, you still owe me that deposit, to cover 
    the trouble I've gone to in order to try to accomodate you; and, 
    because I structure my plans very differently if I'm expecting 
    to be working with someone than I do if my time is my own...
    .    Since instituting this policy, it has made booking clients 
    much simpler, since whoever gets their deposit in first "owns" 
    the days which they need; and, it allows me to do a reasonable 
    degree of planning both my life and my budget.  LOL, it has also 
    greatly reduced the number of cases of "day before flu," a problem 
    which was very understandable; but, also very detrimental to those 
    who contracted it...  I can understand a person's reluctance to 
    send a check off to someone whom they've never met; so, I'm willing 
    send you any identification which you require, prior to your doing 
    so. (Besides, by that point, we've generally gotten pretty well 
    acquainted by e-mail and phone conversations.)

    .    Although many things remain the same, regardless of where 
    we meet, there are also quite a few variations; so, I'll fill 
    in the relevant details as they apply to the various options, 
    below:

    .    Option # One:  We go to my place in Seminole, OK.  This 
    entails our agreeing upon the days we'll be working together, 
    which involves one trip here and your staying between two to 
    seven days, depending upon the issues involved, their complexity, 
    how much of the written work can be done ahead of time, etc.  
    If you are flying in, I pick you up at Will Rodgers airport, 
    in Oklahoma City.  We generally stop at a local restaurant to 
    eat, get acquainted, do paperwork, etc.  Since the Seminole 
    location has cooking facilities (and, is approx. six miles 
    from the nearest fast food place), we normally stop at a 
    store on the way out of town to get groceries.  I keep some 
    basics out there (and, suppliment what you buy enough to 
    make things fair); but, you're expected to pick out what 
    you want for the time you'll be here and to pay for it.  
    Cooking isn't my strong point; and, I'd prefer to spend 
    my time working with you; so, it's important to keep your 
    choices rather simple and (preferablly) microwavable.  
    Although people sometimes prefer to just send me a list 
    of what they might want to eat and add the projected 
    cost to their deposit check, I've found it's generally 
    simpler if we just do this together, once you get here.  
    Besides, it gives us a little more time to get acquainted 
    before we "head off to the boonies."

    .    If you are coming in by bus, we can discuss whether 
    it would be better for me to pick you up in OKC or in 
    Seminole, since the bus fare is generally the same for 
    either destination.  Depending upon my exected location 
    and whether your coming on into Seminole would involve a 
    long layover in OKC (or not), this will vary.  Either way, 
    things generally progress in much the same way as they 
    would if you'd flown in, once I pick you up.

    .    If you live fairly close, I understand that driving here 
    would be your least expensive form of travel; and, have no 
    objections to giving you the directions for getting out here 
    (or, arranging to meet you for you to follow me out here); 
    BUT, fully understand ahead of time how difficult this will 
    be for you...  My no show rate is the highest among people 
    who opt to drive here; and, I once had a fellow spend about 
    two hours with his car parked on the cattle guard at the gate, 
    trying to muster up the nerve to drive that last little bit.  
    He told me, after we met, that he was unsure what he would've 
    done, had it not been for a neighbor pulling in behind him 
    and his having no where to turn around prior to reaching my 
    place (and, my being outside, waving him in, as he drove by...)  
    If you do drive, it's going to take an even stronger resolve on 
    your part, to fight the desire to turn back.  In addition to the 
    potential for actual car trouble, it's also rather likely that 
    you're going to find yourself hearing every rattle and ping, 
    possiblly resulting in unneeded car repairs and delays. People 
    tend to be mentally and emotionally preoccupied; so, their 
    driving skills aren't as good as they would in normal driving, 
    increasing the potential for car trouble, tickets, and of a 
    traffic accident.  Assuming that you arrive without any problems, 
    the trip home won't be too much easier.  In addition to some 
    soreness, you will be fairly exhausted, physically, mentally, 
    and emotionally -- NOT a good condition for driving any sort 
    of a distance...  You're an adult; so, your choices are your 
    own; but, consider yourself to have been forewarned.  The 
    deposit policy is ironclad if you're going to be driving; 
    and, I do not classify car trouble as grounds for no showing.  
    Also, I strongly recommend that you plan for a couple of 
    "guest days," to make sure you're in good shape to drive home.

    .    Coming out to my place in Seminole eliminates any 
    lodging expense.  Additional benefits are the increased 
    privacy, from both the stand point of fewer distractions 
    and no chance of problems caused by well meaning passer-
    by's; I have more time to spend actually working with you, 
    instead of having to bother with setting up equipment or 
    making chow runs; and, since I'm in the next room at night, 
    I'm more available if you need to talk in the middle of the 
    night. The potential disadvantage is that we are about seven 
    miles from any emergency services.  In the more than six 
    years that I've been doing this, I've never had a problem 
    arise; but, if your medical status is borderline, it's a 
    factor which needs to be taken into consideration.

    .    This is the option where I have the most flexibility 
    regarding my fees and the payment arrangements, since it 
    involves the least disruption of my life.  Other than in 
    situations where it might be risky to do this so far from 
    any emergency services, you're going to have a rather hard 
    time convincing me that my fee would pose a hardship if you 
    can afford to pay $55 per night for a motel room.  
    (See option # two.)

    .    Option # Two:  If you are coming to OKC and uncomfortable 
    with the idea of going out to this place out in the country with 
    me (or, if there are medical considerations which make it less 
    than prudent for us to do this out there, since it's approximately 
    5 miles from even the nearest small town), I have a specific motel 
    where people can stay.  It's a little on the high side (about $55+ 
    per night); but, it's clean and it has very spacious rooms that 
    work well for setting up the equipment which is used.  Back before 
    I got my own place, I had an "understanding" with the people who 
    worked there, which prevented many of the problems which could 
    arise somewhere else.  Since getting my own place, there've been 
    some major staff changes; so, I'm a lot less comfortable with using 
    it than I used to be.  It's still better than any other motel that 
    I've found around here; but, I'd really prefer to get away from 
    using motels, at all!!!  (I currently consider using it as only a 
    "last resort.")
    
    .    Option # Three:  In the (not all that probable) event that 
    I'll be travelling to your location, ALL of my fees and expenses 
    will need to be covered in advance (I REALLY hate getting stranded 
    places; or, going halfway across the country on some "wild goose 
    chase!"  Wouldn't you??? {grin})  I used to travel rather extensively, 
    meeting with many of the people in their home towns; and, having to 
    go to a lot of time and effort to find a suitable location in each 
    new town.  Calling that a royal pain in the rear would be a major 
    understatement!  I used to charge 25 cents per highway mile; plus, 
    any additional expenses incurred (motel for nights spent on the road, 
    etc.); but, with gas prices going through the roof, it's not practical 
    for me to drive at that rate.  If you want me to drive, we'll just 
    have to survey the fuel prices between Okla. and there at that time 
    and negotiate it from that information.  If I'm flying, it costs an 
    additional $75 to ship the bag with the equipment in it, because of 
    its weight.  When I arrive, I expect to have my own room, next door 
    to yours; and, if I arrive by air, to be provided with any needed 
    surface transportation.  I realize that it might take a day or two 
    to find a suitable location, which you'll probably spend at home; 
    so, during such an interval, any clean but inexpensive motel will 
    suffice, as long as I have private transportation and a phone provided.  
    Your home, on the other hand, will NOT suffice as lodging for me...

    .    Also, laws vary from state to state -- here in Oklahoma, it's 
    perfectly legal for me to do this with you, as long as I make it 
    clear to you that I am NOT a licensed mental health professional.  
    In Florida, for example, it would be a class A misdemeanor for me 
    to do ANYTHING which could even be considered to be in any way 
    theraputic, even though I do not misrepresent myself... Researching 
    state statutes is tedious and time consuming; so, if you want me to 
    travel to you, I'm going to want you to send me copies of the relevant 
    statutes in your state; or, to adequately compensate me for my 
    research time and expenses. (In advance...)

    .     LOL, if you get the feeling that I'd really prefer to just 
    stay here in Oklahoma, you're RIGHT...  Living out on the road 
    wears a person out fast; and, I've already spent enough time doing 
    that.  Over the years I've been stranded at airports, been stuck 
    with cab and motel costs, had my equipment and luggage get lost /
    delayed in transit, all but worn out my van (not to even mention 
    getting stuck sleeping in it in all sorts of weather, including 
    one night when it was 8 below zero and I was out of propane!), had 
    to borrow money from friends to cover gas and repair bills getting 
    home, and in general I've gotten jaded against travelling to do this.  
    I can understand that it is sometimes the only practical way for us 
    to meet; but, I want it to be the very last resort; and, I intend 
    to protect myself when I do have to travel...  Not all of my travel 
    experiences have been bad; but, even when everything goes smoothly, 
    it's far more hassle and expense for me to have to pack everything 
    up and haul it to where you are than it would be for you to pack one 
    small bag and travel here.  Now that I have somewhere that I can keep 
    everything set up; and, know that there won't be any hassles, it's 
    pretty well "tipped the scales" against my travelling...





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E-mail: Kathy (Renbarger) at:  fedup@okplus.com







              Last updated: 02/07/2005

10/3/2002